"Daniel! Get down here and eat your breakfast before you go to school!"
"Shut up mom," was my only thought as I got ready for school.
At our breakfast table we said your routine prayers before eating and I left for school. School wasn't much different than any other day; I went to A block, then B block. C block was a little different.
"Is everyone ready for the last dance of the year? Tickets are only seven dollars and they won't be sold at the door so hurry up and but your tickets!" Excited conversation and giggles filled the air as the girl whispered to one another. The guys trying to act cool, said they were probably not going. I would know, I was one of them. I had to admit that I was excited thanks to the fact that this year, my friends were going to a mini gathering before the dance. The rest of the day went as always; I did my homework; I played some games on my computer; I went to sleep.
The next day, after school I called my mom, reminding her that I wouldn't be home until ten o'clock. Jordan was the host of the mini party and his house was big enough to fit about twenty of us. The smell of people smoking and drinking filled my lungs.
At the dance, I was racked by guilt owing to the fact that I had just broken a bunch of strict Christian rules yet I still managed to have a good time because the inherent lust in a boy's heart is like a toxin that can fundamentally control him.
"Don't the girls look really hot tonight?" Jordan asked me.
"Yeah, man!" I replied.
After that day I wasn't afraid to try anything. I started to smoke and swear more often because that's what all the "cool" guys did. Day after day, week after week, I lived as a recalcitrant boy, smoking and drinking.
One day, my parents found out that I was smoking and seroiusly, it was not a pretty sight. They lectured me, beat me and after, ignored me for a week.
"Don't go to church today," were my mom's only words for the whole week. I don't know why but it was probably one of the more depressing moments of my life. Second probably after being dumped. Anyways, during that whole week my only prayer to God was a sarcastic, "thanks man," because obviously he was against me. He was the enemy, the one causing all my misery.
I decided to quit smoking because it was causing all these fights that I was tired of in my household. Wow. Quitting smoking was an extremely difficult task that I can't explain. Everyday my body would be begging me, imploring me for just one smoke and everyday I would give in until I got rid of all my supplies. Even then it was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. Giving up drinking wasn't much fun either but honestly it didn't taste that good and I was only doing it so I could have a good time. I set the course of my life back on track and started to act like a true christian just to please my parents, not because I felt that I had an obligation to God. One day during a friday bible study session, my teacher asked me why I was attending, and I honestly told him that my parents wanted me to go. He asked me something about why I should go if I was only going to please my parents and I said against honestly that I cared about my parents and didn't want to disappoint them. We were pretty tight, me and my techer, so he gave me some adivce,
"Why don't you repent? Stop fighting against God and stand up to yourself." It was a pretty cliche quote and supposedly had a deep meaning but nevertheless I still thought,
"What the hell is this guy talking about?" Later it would be my epiphany.
Weeks after our talk, I was in bed, unable to fall asleep, just reminiscing about the past. I laughed at how much of a bad ass I was but I guess I was in one of those moods. You know, the one that feels like really dramatic. Well, maybe it's only me, but occasionally I'm in bed and I start to think dramatically about my life but it's pretty hard to explain. Anyways, I was thinking about my life and how good it turned out to be even after all my mishaps. It was then I realized that God did love me. He was the one that set my life back on course because honestly, if a God was callous, would he give me a second chance at something as large as life?
Boy, was that a year. One thing I learned from all of this is that at times, your greatest adversary is yourself. I learned this the hard way by confusing my opponent with God when actually my evil nature was the true enemy. My triumph cannot be attributed solely to my resolve but to God's compassion and forgiveness. This isn't a little cute story to make you believe in God or anything (it would be nice cause he's a cool guy) but it's just an essay that Ms. Mah assigned me a topic with I was so familiarzied. Maybe you've already triumphed over yourself but he/she will keep coming back and back with greater challenges.
Today, when anything reminds me of those years, I just look up at the sky and I sincerely say, "thanks man."
